The Informer’s Post Super Bowl 51 Mailbag


Welcome to The Informer’s Post Super Bowl 51 Mailbag. As always, please keep in mind that all of these questions came from actual made-up readers.

Q: Informer, now that Tom Brady has five Super Bowl rings and owns every postseason/Super Bowl record and is the greatest winner in the history of the NFL, does that make him the greatest football player of all-time?

Of course he is the greatest football player of all-time. Are there still people in the world who say Tom Brady is not the greatest?

Q: But what about guys like Jerry Rice, Randy Moss, Jim Brown, Barry Sanders, Walter Payton, or Ray Lewis? They may not have the Super Bowl rings, but they were actually better “football” players than Tom Brady. I mean come on, Brady runs a 7.4 forty yard dash. I can see calling him the best quarterback ever, but overall football player is a stretch. Don’t you think?

So your question is not asking who the best “football” player of all-time is, it is who is the best athlete to play football? In that case the answer is obviously no. But again, if we are talking the best “football” player — which means anyone who has ever played football — then the answer is Tom Terrific. There is simply no logical argument against his numbers, records, wins, or Super Bowl rings.

Q: “Spygate” and “Deflategate”. There is my logical argument against Tom Brady. Sorry Informer, but anyone who cheats cannot be considered the greatest of all-time.

First of all, “Spygate” never actually happened, and “Deflategate” is a fake news story. So your argument is wrong and does nothing to change my opinion that Tom Brady is the greatest.

Q: WHAT THE ABSOLUTE F*** INFORMER!!!? You don’t think Spygate ever happened? Are you being serious? How can you say one of the biggest scandals and cover ups in NFL history never happened? Please tell me you are not really this stupid?

Stupid? No. Hammered drunk and saying random sh*t to piss off the three people who read this article? Maybe.

Q: Speaking of pissing people off Informer, what are your thoughts on Terrell Owens not making the Hall of Fame because the voters did not like him as a person?

To semi-quote Joe Buck, “Not voting Terrell Owens into the Hall of Fame is a disgusting act.” And in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, “That is all I have to say about that.”

Q: What podcasts would The Informer recommend for someone who likes sports and entertainment?

According to my ITUNES account the 14 podcast I am subscribed to, and therefore would totally recommend, are:

  • The Bill Simmons Show
  • Reasonable Doubt starring Adam Carrolla & Mark Geragos
  • Cheap Heat
  • The Big Red Cobcast
  • The Schmotable
  • Mohr Stories
  • Talk Is Jericho
  • Jim Rome’s Daily Jungle
  • ESPN’s Behind the Bets
  • Something to Wrestle With
  • The Stone Cold Steve Austin Show
  • Sports & Media Podcast with Richard Deitsch
  • The Adam Carrolla Show
  • The Masked Man Show

Q: Informer if you were being forced to live on a desert island for the rest of your life and could only choose one actor’s movies to take with you, which actor would you choose? For example, if you choose Vin Diesel then you would get to take all the Fast & Furious movies, the Riddick movies, Triple X, etc. Now in order to keep this simple, the only rule is you must take a lead actor/actress. You can’t pick some no-name extra that has been in every single movie ever made. That would be cheating. So Informer, who are you taking?

After about 3.5 hours of research, 17.5 Natty Lights, and some deep soul searching; I have decided my choice would be Jenna Jameson.

Q: You better sleep with one eye opened you f*****g scumbag. Sincerely, your wife who just read the Jenna Jameson answer and knows exactly where you pass out every night.

Did I say Jenna Jameson? That must have been a drunken typo. What I obviously meant to say was Adam Sandler. Yea, that sounds better. I would definitely take every single Adam Sandler movie ever made. Not Jenna Jameson. Okay, now that we have that mess all cleared up, how about we move onto the next topic before The Informer ends up starring in a live action remake of the John Wayne Bobbitt story?

Q: What is The Informer’s favorite rap song, country song, rock song, G-rated movie, PG- rated movie, PG-13 rated movie, R-rated movie, X-rated movie, soda, basketball team, musician, football jersey, condom, jeans, sports card, food, beer, candy, television show and hobby?

A random game of 20 questions? I love it. Here are my answers in order: Dear Mama, The Good Stuff, I It’s Been Awhile, The Lion King, Ghostbusters, Fast & Furious, Wedding Crashers, I am not allowed to comment, Mr. Pibb/ Dr. Pepper, Kevin Durant, Eminem, my Randy Moss Marshall jersey, What are those?, Girbaud, Kobe Bryant’s Upper Deck rookie, Blimpies, Natty Light, Peanut Butter M&Ms, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and writing this blog.

Q: Dear Mr. Informer, who is going to win the 2017 NBA MVP?

The only rule I have when it comes to voting on the NBA MVP is this: If someone averages a triple-double for an entire season while leading his team to the NBA Playoffs despite losing one of the greatest players in NBA history during the offseason then that person is the NBA MVP. So to answer your question, Russell Westbrook is the 2017 NBA MVP.

Q: Okay Informer, here is the final question of the day: Who do you think the Cleveland Cavaliers should sign in order to bring in the much needed help that LeBron James is crying for?

This is a great question, and I have a damn great answer. But first, I need everyone to brace themselves because I am about to shock the world, change the game, and drop the mic with five simple words.

Are we all ready?

Here it goes; I think the Cleveland Cavaliers should try and sign . . .

Kobe “The Black Mamba” Bryant.

Q: Kobe Bryant to the Cavs? That is literally the dumbest f***ing thing anyone in the world has ever f***ing said. Seriously, why in the bluest of blue hells would Kobe tarnish his Lakers legacy by taking a 28 million dollar pay cut to go chase rings on the LeBron James train? That makes absolutely zero sense. Sorry Informer, but your take is stupid. Your idea is garbage. And most of all you are a trash writer who just played himself. In other words, please do the world a favor and delete your writing account.

Oh you want The Informer to delete his writing account because you think it is trash, huh? How about instead you just cash me outside, how bow dah?

#ComeBackMamba #BradyIsGoat #WhoYouGonnaCall #InformerOut


About Author

Since 2003 The Informer has written for newspapers, websites and blogs with one goal in mind: Write a funny and informative sports article unlike anything that has been written before.