Jeff Fisher signs on with LA Academy Middle School; cites familiarity with offense as key factor


LOS ANGELES — On Monday, Los Angeles Rams head coach Jeff Fisher was fired after an ugly 42-14 loss to the visiting Atlanta Falcons on Sunday in which Rams star running back Todd Gurley described the offense as “middle school.” Fisher — whose 165th career loss on Sunday tied Dan Reeves for most all-time by a NFL head coach — had signed a two-year contract extension with the Rams just eight days prior to his firing. Despite the mind-boggling contract extension, Fisher’s five-year tenure with the St. Louis/Los Angeles Rams appeared to be on its last legs amid a disappointing 4-9 record which clinched Fisher’s fifth straight losing season as head coach of the team.

Fortunately, it didn’t take long for Fisher to find work as it was announced early Tuesday that that the longtime NFL head coach had agreed on a five-year contract with LA Academy Middle school citing “philosophical similarities” and a “familiarity with the offense” as the key factors in his decision to jump ship to the middle school ranks. Fisher held a press conference in front of dozens in the school’s gymnasium:

“While some may see this as a step back, I see this as a new opportunity to impact the lives of young adults in a way that I have never been given the opportunity to do so before,” Fisher said. “It’s really a dream come true. I look over at that wall and see those “Five Flames of Success” and it gets me choked up a bit. I didn’t even know success had that many flames.”

Fisher continued and talked more in-depth about the football progam at LA Academy.

“I watched some game tape and I have to say — impressed isn’t even the word — I couldn’t believe these were middle schoolers. I would say the offense I ran with the Rams is 90-95% the same as the one run here at LA Academy. I’m especially excited to coach this Woodhead kid. His play really jumped off the screen.”

Fisher also made a bold guarantee.

“Let me assure you of this, LA Academy football will not be 7-9 next season. Won’t happen. I’m looking at the schedule right now and we only play 12 games.”

Shortly after the press conference, Fisher was informed by a confused Principal Martinez that LA Academy already had a football coach and he was brought in to be the gym teacher. Fisher reportedly expressed understanding and stood by his guarantee that his gym class would not go 7-9 during the flag football portion of the curriculum.


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Divac is the Editor-In Chief of The Schmozone and founder of He is a fantasy sports maniac with terrible gambling habits and has a strange, irrational obsession with everything that is NBA legend Vlade Divac. Divac will be posting his outrageous commentary on daily sports topics in "The Daily Flop" section and one day dreams of being re-born as a mediocre Eastern European NBA journeyman.