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The Informer’s 2016 NFL Picks: Week 11

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Here are The Informer’s Week 11 2016 NFL Picks. I hope you enjoy.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS @ CAROLINA PANTHERS (-3.5)

Q: Hey Informer, I know you are on a word count so I will keep this question short and simple: Did you bet the Saints and the 1st half under in Primetime last night?

You are gosh damn right I did. In fact, here is my proof of picks tweet for Thursday Night Football:

#WinnerWinnerBlimpiesDinner

Pick: Saints (+3.5) & 1st half (u26.5)

TENNESSEE TITANS @ INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (-3.5)

Q: Are you ready to jump back on the Marcus Mariota/Tennessee Titans bandwagon?

As someone who made the Tennessee Titans over 5.5 total regular season wins his 2016 lock of the year; I think I want to see them win one more game before I jump head first back onto their bandwagon.

Now, with that said, due to the fact that 2016 NFL gambling rules clearly state the Colts and their trash defense should not be favored over a Titans team that has scored 35+ points in three straight games; I will be grabbing the points on Sunday.

Pick: Titans (+3.5)

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ DETROIT LIONS (-6.5)

Q: Is Matthew Stafford having the greatest contract year in the history of the NFL?

I am pretty sure Albert Haynesworth and his seven-year, 100 million dollar deal with the Washington Redskins is rolling over in his grave at the thought of someone putting Matthew Stafford ahead of him in the “best contract year season in NFL history” conversation.

Pick: Lions (-6.5)

ARIZONA CARDINALS @ MINNESOTA VIKINGS (-1)

Q: Informer I am confused: I thought the 2016 Minnesota Vikings were the second coming of the 1985 Chicago Bears? But how can that be true since they just lost four straight games? I may be mistaken, but that never happened to the ’85 Bears, right?

Sadly, until someone invents a way to look up crazy stats on the internet, I have no way of actually knowing the answer to your question. We are just going to have to assume that the ’85 Bears never had a four (and soon to be five) game losing streak while finishing 15-1 and winning Super Bowl XX.

Pick: Cardinals (+1)

TAMPA BAY @ KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (-7.5) MIAMI DOLPHINS @ LOS ANGELES RAMS (+2.5) CHICAGO BEARS @ NEW YORK GIANTS (-7.5)

Q: Hey Informer do you want some adivce on how to get more than six people to read your incoherant ramblings you call an NFL picks article? The first thing you need to do is try giving some actual gambling advice to go along with your picks? Secondly, and most important of all, you should try something radical like giving your opinion on NFL football instead of making 20-year movie references and talking about how drunk you are. Anyways, since I know you won’t listen to my sound career advice, why don’t you forget I said anything and just get on with sharing your “Tony Romo just announced he lost his job to Dak Prescott so now he has a crying Jordan face” meme of the week (You are so predictable)?

Well, since the cat has been let out of the bag, here is the Blimpies Best meme of the week:

crying-jordan-fat-romo-e1469963829543

Pick: Tampa Bay (+7.5) Rams (+2.5) Giants (-7.5)

BALTIMORE RAVENS @ DALLAS COWBOYS (-7)

Q: Informer, can you name the only NFL team that has covered every single game they have played in the 2016 NFL Season? 

Ummm . . . That is none of your damn business and I’d thank you to stay out of my personal affairs? 

All 1993 movie jokes that never get old or lame aside; the answer to your question is the Dallas Cowboys. Unfortunately for Dallas fans, I have a feeling your team’s against the spread run is about to end.

Here is why:

Did you know the Cowboys are the only team in the NFL who has never beaten the Baltimore Ravens (Dallas is 0-4 since the Ravens came into the league in 1996)? Did you also know that John Harbaugh has won five straight games against rookie quarterbacks? And finally, did you know Dallas has never won a game the same week Tony Romo has a press conference to announce he is the team’s backup quarterback?

At the end of the day, as much of a closet Dak-Zeke-Dez fan as I am, when it comes to gambling I am sticking with the multi year trends, over the one year wonder trend.

Cowboys may win, but Ravens will cover.

Pick: Ravens (+7)

PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS (+8)

Q: Can you describe the autrociousness of the Cleveland Browns in one word? 

Is “hella-garbage” considered one word?

Pick: Steelers (-8)

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS @ SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (+13)

Q: Do you think Tom Brady would still be considered the greatest quarterback in NFL history if he had never played with Randy Moss?

In my expert opinion on all things Randy Moss I would say there is zero percent chance Tom Brady would be considered the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL if he had never played with Randy Moss.

Think about it?

Do you know how may MVP years Brady had before playing with Moss? Zero. And guess how many of Tom Brady’s five best statistical seasons came before playing with Moss? That is right, zero. Heck, do you know how many times Brady threw for 30+ TD passes B.M. (Before Moss)? Here is a hint, it rhymes with hero.

Listen, I am sorry I am not sorry, but facts are facts. And the fact is Tom Brady is going to go down as the GOAT, but he is only on that path because in 2007 Randy Moss showed him the way.

Now as far as gambling on this game goes; I will be following the “never bet against Tom Brady coming off of a loss when he is playing in his home town for the first time in his 17 year career” rule.

Pick: Patriots (-13)

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ SEATTLE HGHAWKS (-6.5)

Q: After reading your list of favorite “country meltdown songs” in last week’s article, I was wondering if this week you could share your favorite party songs? I know I speak for all six of your readers when I say we are on pins and needles waiting to find out your taste in terrible party music.

Ask and you shall receive (Warning some links NSFW).

  1. Young Jeezy: Go Getter
  2. Taylor Swift: Shake it Off
  3. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch: Good Vibrations
  4. 2 Live Crew: Daisy Dukes
  5. Petey Pablo: North Carolina Helicopter Song
  6. Akon (featuring Eminem): Smack That
  7. Shakira: Hips Don’t Lie
  8. Flo Rida: Boots with the Fur
  9. Notorious Big: Hypnotize
  10. Big Tymers: Gator Boots

Pick: Seattle (-6.5)

BUFFALO BILLS @ CINCINNATI BENGALS (-3)

Q: How many yards is A.J. Green away from joining Randy Moss as the only players in NFL history to start their careers with six straight 1,000 yard receiving seasons? 

A.J. “The Sickness” Green is officially 36 yards away from joining Randy Moss as the only players in NFL history to start their careers with six straight 1,000 yard receiving seasons.

#TheMoreYouKnow

Pick: Bengals (-3)

GREEN BAY PACKERS @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS (-2.5)

Q: Is there anything that makes you happier than seeing Aaron Rodgers getting points in Primetime? Or are the Packers so bad that you are not going to follow the “never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime” rule?

I don’t care how “bad” the Packers are supposed to be, I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime against Kirk Cousins. Not even if there is a fire.

Pick: Packers (+2.5)

HOUSTON TEXANS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (-5.5)

Q: Who is the 2016 NFL MVP? And if you don’t say Derek Carr I will start a riot and never read your articles again. 

When you put it that way I guess I have no choice but to say the 2016 NFL MVP through 11 weeks is hands down, without a doubt –Ezekiel Elliott.

Pick: Raiders (-5.5)

ajgreenweek11

Includes Thursday Night Football

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About Author

Since 2003 The Informer has written for newspapers, websites and blogs with one goal in mind: Write a funny and informative sports article unlike anything that has been written before.