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Divac’s Week 8 NFL Flop: “The Return of the Mack” Edition

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Washington Redskins @ Cincinnati Bengals

This is the rare London game that doesn’t feature the Jacksonville Jaguars trying to convince a bunch of people who know nothing about American football that this is how the game should be played. Speaking of the Jaguars, who are complete garbage, Blake Bortles is attempting to become the first Jaguars quarterback in FRANCHISE HISTORY to throw 20 touchdown passes in back-to-back seasons. Through seven games, ‘Garbage Time’ Bortles has 12 touchdowns — all of which have come in garbage time of course — but STILL COUNTS. Let’s all keep an eye on GT Bortles as he attempts to end this illustrious streak of quarterback futility and then laugh when he inevitably finishes with 19 touchdowns.

Kansas City Chiefs @ Indianapolis Colts

It’s almost Halloween so time to bust out the best baby Halloween costume of all-time:

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Sports Blog Movement

Baby Andy Reid is completely clueless when it comes to nap time management.

Oakland Raiders @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Are these teams actually somewhat decent or do they just play teams that are bad? I have not looked into this but I’d guess that this is first time both of these teams have been .500 or better this late in the season since they met in that joke of a 2002 Super Bowl. While the Raiders are 5-2, I’m not buying the playoffs for them. Wins over the Ravens, Jags, Titans, Chargers, and Saints isn’t doing it for me. The Bucs though… I’m not sleeping on them with the Falcons penchant to go win like two games in the second half of the season. The Panthers stink and the Saints are not going to the playoffs so if the Falcons blow it (and they will blow it) then by default it’s the Bucs who could end up as the NFC 4 seed.

Seattle Seahawks @ New Orleans Saints

Watching Pete Carroll evolve from wealthy robber baron after the Catanzaro miss:

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To “Da Fuq Just Happened” Pete Carroll after Hauschka’s shank:

Was undoubtedly the best thing to come out of that 6-6 Cardinals-Seahawks tie last Sunday night. With that being said, look for the Seahawks to absolutely unload on the garbage Saints this week.

Detroit Lions @ Houston Texans

I can think of 72 million different ways the Texans could have spent $72 million better than giving it to Brock Osweiler which range from signing a quarterback who isn’t complete trash to giving it to a homeless guy with a crack pipe. Dude has murdered DeAndre Hopkins. Should be in jail as far as I’m concerned. I think it’s officially time to start the “Macho Man” Tom Savage movement to replace Osweiler if only because I love the nickname “Macho Man” Tom Savage.

New York Jets @ Cleveland Browns

This may be the Browns best shot at winning a game this season. If not, the 0-16 watch is officially on. ‘Downtown’ Josh McCown is back which excites me greatly and Ryan Fitzpatrick is favored on the road. I’ve got a sneaky feeling about this one. It’s really, really hard to go 0-16. You literally need Dan Orlovsky running out of the back of the end zone to pull that sh**. There’s a reason why teams rarely ever “accomplish” that feat. ‘Downtown’ Josh McCown doesn’t play for winless teams. That’s all I’ll say. And it just might be Cleveland’s year.

New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills

During the World Series, my friends and I were discussing which major sports league (NFL, NBA, MLB) has the worst officiating and somehow we came to the conclusion that the NBA — that league where we legitimately saw a ref bet on games and the Kings-Lakers 2002 Western Conference Finals — had the BEST officiating. How the f*** did this happen? Maybe it’s a jerk reaction to the egregiously terrible home plate umpiring that has occurred during the World Series (seriously, if you are a home plate umpire you should be required to ask for help at third or first base on check swings) and the fact that the NFL is a mess in every way imaginable other than financially, but it’s still a startling conclusion to say a league in which all of it’s officials blatantly ignore that you can’t take five steps with the ball has the best officiating.

Arizona Cardinals @ Carolina Panthers

The Panthers are bad yet nobody realizes it yet. Like, “we may come in last place in the NFC South” bad. Their defense is an abomination. Their only win is a 46-27 win over the 49ers which should honestly be considered a loss for letting up 27 points to a Blaine Gabbert-quarterbacked football team. I went back through Blaine Gabbert’s game logs because that is just the type of thing someone like me does and that is the third most points a team that started Blaine Gabbert has ever scored. The first was a 41-point effort against the Buccaneers behind only 217 passing yards in 2011 and the second was a 37-point effort in 2012 in which he must have gotten hurt because he only threw two passes. The Panthers are 3-point favorite by the way over a fuming Cardinals team coming off of a tie.

San Diego Chargers @ Denver Broncos

Here’s the best John Elway watching Brock Osweiler tweet from last Monday night

 

The Texans are morons.

Green Bay Packers @ Atlanta Falcons

All aboard the Falcons collapse train! It happens every season around this time. The first passenger was a reeling San Diego Chargers team down 27-10 just before halftime. Leave it to the Falcons to blowing a game against the team known for blowing games in the most hilarious fashions possible. Now we’ve got Aaron Rodgers coming to town and three-point favorites. in the words of my good friend and confidant The Informer, go home Vegas, you’re drunk.

Philadelphia Eagles @ Dallas Cowboys

Are we still talking about benching Dak Prescott for Tony Romo? How the f*** is this still a discussion? The guy is playing out of his mind and has the Cowboys at 5-1 while Tony Romo rehabs from breaking his goddamn back. Romo’s been Wally Pipped and is about as durable as Joe Glass. Unless Dak and the Cowboys falter, this is Dak’s team.

Minnesota Vikings @ Chicago Bears

The Chicago Bears are an abortion of a football team and are now being forced to start Jay Cutler who John Fox “is done with.” We (and I’ll say “we” as a Bears fan) may as well just lose every game so we can mess up the highest pick possible, but let’s talk about an exposed Vikings team last week. Big surprise here, but talks of the ’85 Bears are greatly exaggerated and the Bears are going to give them a good fight I suspect. The Vikings faced their stiffest test since Week 1 vs. the Packers when they got manhandled by the Eagles last week and Sam Bradford still and always will be Sam Bradford.

That’s gonna do it. Enjoy Week 8.

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About Author

Divac is the Editor-In Chief of The Schmozone and founder of Leaveit2divac.com. He is a fantasy sports maniac with terrible gambling habits and has a strange, irrational obsession with everything that is NBA legend Vlade Divac. Divac will be posting his outrageous commentary on daily sports topics in "The Daily Flop" section and one day dreams of being re-born as a mediocre Eastern European NBA journeyman.