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The Informer’s 2016 NFL Picks: Week 6

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Here are The Informer’s Week 6 NFL Picks. I hope you enjoy.

DENVER BRONCOS @ SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (+3)

My “I half regret this” proof of pick tweet from Thursday morning:

Pick: Donkeys (-3) & 1st Half (u22.5)

CINNCINATI BENGALS @ NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-8.5)

Since I am supposed to be “The Informer”, I figured I would start the Week 6 article by “informing” everyone of the “six must know Tom Brady is awesome” stats stemming from his glorious Week 5 return.

  1. Tom Brady’s 271 first half passing yards against the Browns was the second most of his career, trailing only a 2009 game against the Tennessee Titans. Now, for those who may not remember, that Titans game was also the second time that the great Randy Moss caught at least three touchdowns in the first half of a game.
  2. Last Sunday was Tom Brady’s second career 400 yard passing game against the Cleveland Browns, and his eighth career 400 yard game. Interestingly enough, the eight games of at least 400 yards ties him with Carson Palmer, Ben Roethlisberger and Phillip Rivers for fourth place in NFL history behind only Dan Marino, Drew Brees and Peyton Manning.
  3. With the win Tom Brady improved his career NFL record to 173-51. Did you know of the quarterbacks in the Top 20 all-time for wins, only Ken Stabler (49), Steve Young (48) and Joe Montana (47) have lost less than Brady’s 51 times? With that said, Brady does have 77, 79 and 56 more wins respectively than the three Hall of Famers listed above.
  4. Tom Brady is the third oldest quarterback in NFL history to throw for at least 400 yards.
  5. Tom Brady has won 77% of his regular season NFL starts.
  6. And finally, Tom Brady trails Drew Brees 438-431 in career touchdown passes. Just something to watch as the season goes along.

Pick: Patriots (-8.5)

BALTIMORE RAVENS @ NEW YORK GIANTS (-3)

Sticking with stats: Eli Manning is one win away from becoming just the 14th NFL quarterback to win 100 games. Along those same lines, Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco is currently tied with Matt Ryan and Tony Romo for the 43rd most wins by an NFL quarterback.

Honestly, I have no idea what these two stats have to do with gambling, but at least now everyone knows where Flacco and Manning stand when it comes to their legacies.

Pick: Ravens (+3)

CAROLINA PANTHERS @ NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (+3)

Did you know that there have been 302 regular season games where a quarterback has thrown for at least 400 yards, but there have only been nine times in NFL history that a QB has thrown for 400 yards in back to back games? Did you also know that of those nine times, Cam Newton is the only player to accomplish the feat in his first two NFL starts?

Just saying, don’t let Monday night’s fluke loss to Tampa Bay fool you. The Panthers with Cam at quarterback are still the class of the NFC South while the New Orleans Saints are still the Chicago Bears of the NFC South.

Pick: Panthers (-3)

PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ MIAMI DOLPHINS (+7.5)

Here are the two most important numbers you need to know when picking this game: 15 & 3.

15 represents the number of Natty Lights it took to talk myself into picking the Miami Dolphins, while three is the number of seconds it took to realize I was a f******* moron for taking Ryan Tannehill over Ben Roethlischickensaladberger before switching my pick to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Get your boats ready folks, cause it is race time in Miami.

Pick: Steelers (-7.5)

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ CHICAGO BEARS (-2.5)

Brian Hoyer and the Chicago Bears are favored over an actual NFL team? Go home Vegas, you are drunk.

Pick: Jags (+2.5)

LOS ANGELES RAMS @ DETROIT LIONS (-3.5)

I don’t even think one of Tim Tebow’s miracles could save this game from being an absolute abortion.

Pick: Rams (+3.5)

CLEVELAND BROWNS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (-7)

Since this is arguably the worst game in the history of the NFL not named Rams-Lions, I have decided to use this section to promote this week’s Blimpie Best Meme of the Week.

tony-romo

#ClassicEli #LeaveRomoAlone #ThisMemeHasNothingToDoWIthTitansBrowns

Pick: Titans (-7)

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS (+2.5)

I am not ready to jump off the Carson Wentz bandwagon just yet, but I am also not going to lay points with a rookie quarterback in his first road game against a division rival.

Pick: Redskins (+2.5)

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (PK)

Apparently Andy Reid is 15-2 in his career after a bye week? Seems like a gambling trend a guy should jump on.

Pick: Chiefs (PK)

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS @ BUFFALO BILLS (-7.5)

Do you all want to hear a hot take about Colin Kaepernick?

The guy is going to thrive in the Chip Kelly system, which will result in the 49ers actually being a competitive football team this week. Also, the Buffalo Bills should not be favored by 7.5 point over anyone ever, not even if there is a fire.

Pick: 49ers (+7.5)

ATLANTA FALCONS @ SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-6.5)

I will be taking the Seattle HGHawks because I am assuming they spent their bye week siphoning HGH into their blood streams (allegedly) while getting ready to face a team playing their second straight road game, and who is due for a letdown after beating the defending Super Bowl champions a week ago.

Pick: HGHawks (-6.5)

DALLAS COWBOYS @ GREEN BAY PACKERS (-4.5)

Remember when everyone laughed at me because I said Dak Prescott was going to become the first rookie in NFL history to be inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame?

Well, according to this article on Fox Sports.com, the NFL has officially placed Dak’s jersey into the Hall of Fame thanks to the fact that he and Ezekiel Elliot became the first pair of rookies to combine for 1,000 yards passing and 500 yards rushing in their first five games.

Congrats on the honor Mr. Hall of Famer. At least one of us internet sports writers knew you could do it.

Pick: Green Bay (-4.5)

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (-3)

I will not bet a favored Brock Osweiler in Primetime . . . I will not bet a favored Brock Osweiler in Primetime . . . I WILL NOT BET A FAVORED BROCK OSWEILER IN PRIMETIME!!!

Pick: Colts (+3) & 1 ST Half (u24.5)

NEW YORK JETS @ ARIZONA CARDINALS (-7.5)

A drunk man once said, the best way for someone to get their point across is by using vague incoherent references and socially unacceptable innuendos. So with that in mind, here are my thoughts on the New York Jets-Arizona Cardinals game:

Only a Jay Cutlered-elephant with ears (drunk dumbo) would bet their hard earned Robert Dinero (Money) on the really fast air planes (Jets) in this famous rapper who feuded with 50 Cent (The Game). Seriously, it does not take a Tom Cruise (Rocket Scientologist) to figure out that the best way to DJ Khaled (Win Win Win) is by backing the red birds (Cardinals) and having intercourse with (laying) the 7.5 points.

Oh and don’t forget, when it comes to the 1st half under, make sure you Denny Crane (lock and load) it to the max. Trust me, come Tuesday morning, you don’t want to be the Donald Trump’s favorite thing to grab (*****) who came up Todd Anthony Shaw (Too Short) because you San Diego Padre’s mascot-ed (chickened) out on taking the Billy Madison bet in sports (Smartest bet in sports).

Pick: Cardinals (-7.5) & 1st Half (u24)

moss

Includes Thursday Night Football

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About Author

Since 2003 The Informer has written for newspapers, websites and blogs with one goal in mind: Write a funny and informative sports article unlike anything that has been written before.