Every year I host the legendary Czar’s fantasy football league (12-team, half PPR) as one of my many alter-egos, Czarko Milicic. Traditionally, each and every peasant has a trash team and I make sure to let them know about it. This year was especially trashy.
The Chang now enters his third season as a peasant in the Czar’s league and to say he’s seen limited success would be putting it mildly. The Chang has accumulated nine wins and 17 losses as a Czar’s peasant and has gained a reputation for drafting players who always get hurt or who are Joique Bell.
Let’s take a look at the damage:
|1.||(9)||Lamar Miller (Hou – RB)|
|2.||(16)||Brandon Marshall (NYJ – WR)|
|3.||(33)||Brandin Cooks (NO – WR)|
|4.||(40)||Jarvis Landry (Mia – WR)|
|5.||(57)||Ryan Mathews (Phi – RB)|
|6.||(64)||Melvin Gordon (SD – RB)|
|7.||(81)||Ameer Abdullah (Det – RB)|
|8.||(88)||Zach Ertz (Phi – TE)|
|9.||(105)||Tyrod Taylor (Buf – QB)|
|10.||(112)||Kevin White (Chi – WR)|
|11.||(129)||Jay Ajayi (Mia – RB)|
|12.||(136)||Matthew Stafford (Det – QB)|
|13.||(153)||Alfred Morris (Dal – RB)|
|14.||(160)||Zach Miller (Chi – TE)|
|15.||(177)||Green Bay (GB – DEF)|
Well, Lamar Miller can jump in front of a train. I was skeptical on Miller before, but this Chang pick just sealed the deal. Too much hype around that guy. “Season for the ages” writes Bleacher Report’s Mike Freeman. LMFAO, this is Lamar f****** Miller we are talking about. The Dolphins felt completely comfortable replacing this guy with somebody who has a life expectancy of like six minutes. Arian Foster literally had to declare himself “not dead.” Season for the ages. I’m dying.
The second round pick hardly comes as a surprise. I think Chang has had Brandon Marshall on his team three straight seasons, but maybe he can teach third rounder Brandin Cooks a thing or two about how to spell the name “Brandon.” Am I crazy though or does this team look familiar? I swear, I’ve seen this team before.
|2.||(16)||Brandon Marshall(NYJ – WR)|
|3.||(41)||C.J. Spiller(NO – RB)|
|4.||(44)||Reggie Bush(Buf – RB)|
|5.||(69)||Lamar Miller(Hou – RB)|
Ah yes, Chang’s 2014 team that finished 5-8. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Let’s see what else went down:
- I can’t say anything bad about Jarvis Landry. No schtick here. I LOVE JARVIS LANDRY!
- True story. Chang drafted Ryan Matthews in the 5th round and didn’t even make it to the 7th round before getting hurt, hence why he had to waste a pick on Ameer Abdullah.
- There’s Melvin Gordon in the sixth round in what Chang hopes is a post-hype sleeper year for the Chargers workhorse. Only problem is that he’s a running back from Wisconsin so he’s doomed for complete failure [Ron Dayne, Michael Bennett, Brian Calhoun and Montee Ball all nod in agreement].
- Zach Ertz is a tight end who has played in 47 games and scored nine touchdowns. In other words, his entire career has basically been four games worth of 2015 Doug Baldwin. He scored four touchdowns in his rookie season, three touchdowns in his sophomore season, and two touchdowns in his third season. Looks like he’s on the right track.
- Matthew Berry is expecting a huge season from Tyrod Taylor. Good luck.
- Kevin White is hurt already.
- Oh look it’s Jay Ajayi. So now you have the guy the Dolphins felt comfortable replacing with a “not dead” guy and the guy the Dolphins felt comfortable benching for a “not dead” guy. Well done.
- Matthew Berry also loves Matthew Stafford. I think it’s time to start hitting the waiver wire for a quarterback.
- Oh my god! Alfred Morris! Really? This Alfred Morris! The one of “I still drive my 1990 Honda Civic” fame? The one who’s only the Cowboys back-up RB because Darren McFadden broke his elbow like jerking off during the off-season? That Alfred Morris? The one who literally needs the help of Mike Shanahan to get him out of bed every morning? That Alfred Morris? Oh Chang, you’ve outdone yourself.
- The best thing you did all draft besides draft Jarvis Landry was not take a kicker. F*** kickers. Well done.
Draft Grade: C
Predicted Finish: 8th