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The Informer’s 2016 NFL Gambling Guide

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As always, please remember to use The Informer’s 2016 NFL Gambling Guide for recreational purposes only. In no way shape or form should these suggestions be used to make wagers with internet gambling sites like Sportsbook, Bodog, Bet USABovada, Betus, BetOnline, MyBookie, 5 Dimes, or any other site that promises a chance to get rich fast by doing something that could be considered illegal by certain three-lettered government institutions.

Furthermore, if anyone you know tries to use this article to place illegal wagers with guys named Big Tom, Little John, Fat Pat, Skinny Pete, Chunky Chuck, Sneaky Steve, Lucky Louie, Unlucky Lewie, Bones, Books, Mr. Martini, Jigsaw, Sharkie, Dauber Dybinski, T-Bone or any overweight person with an Italian background; please contact Batman immediately.

Now that we have all the legalities out of the way: Who is ready for some reckless gambling?

NFL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

Dak Prescott (+500)

Judging solely on his preseason performance, there is no doubt in my mind that Dak Prescott is about to be enshrined into the NFL Hall of Fame. Needless to say — since Dak is on the verge of becoming the first rookie in NFL history to get enshrined into Canton — I really don’t see why anyone would bet against him becoming the 2016 ROY.

MOST YARDS RECEIVING

A.J. Green (+1800) Allen Robinson (+1800) Dez Bryant (+2500) Amari Cooper (+2500)

Honestly, getting four of the 10 best receivers in the NFL at these odds is too good to be true. I mean, Robinson is coming off of a 1,400 yard season. Dez Bryant is fully healthy and is going to be catching a ton of passes from the future NFL Hall of Famer Dak Prescott. Amari Cooper is a second year guy ready to make a giant leap. And A.J. Green is the only active NFL player to record at least 1,000 yards receiving in the past five seasons so you know he will at least have a chance to win at the end of the year.

Add it all up, and The Informer has in his possession four very winnable lottery tickets.

COACH OF THE YEAR

Mike Mularkey (+7500)

If you think the Tennessee Titans have a chance to win the AFC South (which I do) then that means you have to think there is at least a chance the voters would reward Mularkey and his team for their success thus making his odds remarkably non-mularkey.

MOST RUSHING YARDS

Adrian Peterson (+250)

There are only three things a person can count on in their life: Death, taxes and Adrian Peterson canceling Christmas for the rest of the NFL by running all over their candy asses.

MOST PASSING YARDS

Drew Brees (+450)

Drew Brees has thrown for at least 4,300 yards in 10 straight seasons. Drew Brees has thrown for at least 4,600 yards in six straight seasons. Drew Brees has thrown for at least 4,800 yards in five straight seasons. Drew Brees has three of the five single greatest passing yard seasons in NFL history. Drew Brees is the only guy in the NFL to have thrown for at least 5,000 yards in a season on more than one occasion (he has done it four times). Drew Brees has finished first or second in passing yards in each of the past five seasons. Drew Brees has finished number one in passing yards four times over the past five seasons.

Do you all see what The Informer is getting at?

COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR

Andrew Luck (+450)

The only way Andrew Luck does not win this award is if Tim Tebow decides to return to the NFL after helping the Mets win the World Series and then leads the Denver Broncos to their second straight Super Bowl. Unfortunately, my bookie does not have odds on the Tebow scenario so I will be taking the only other sure thing left on the board which is Andrew Luck flipping the script on his 2015 nightmare and returning to his spot atop the quarterback division.

MOST TD PASSES

Tom Brady (+1500)

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to watch a quarterback throw 60 TD passes in 12 games? Because we are about to find out.

NFL MVP

Tom Brady (+800)

I mean, the guy is going to throw 60 touchdown passes in 12 games and I am not supposed to think he is going to win the 2016 NFL MVP? Grow up Peter Pan.

NFL DIVISION WINNERS

AFC – Patriots, Colts, Chiefs, Steelers

NFC – Giants, Packers, Seahawks, Panthers

SUPER BOWL PREDICTION

New England vs. Seattle

I am taking New England to defeat the HGHawks. The thinking is simple; Tom Brady is about to go on a “f*ck you Deflategate” revenge tour the likes that has never been seen before. Of course, this revenge tour will ultimately end with “Tom Terrific” winning his fifth Super Bowl ring while cementing his legacy as the greatest quarterback to ever live.

NFL TEAM TOTAL WINS OVER/UNDER

When it comes to the total team wins over/under, I wanted to pick every single team for the sake of the article. However, in the spirit of being open and honest about my gambling addiction, I will also bold the teams that I actually placed fake illegal wagers on. So with that in mind, here are the selections:

Arizona Cardinals: Over 9.5

Atlanta Falcons: Under 7.5

Buffalo Bills: Under 8

Baltimore Ravens: Under 8.5

Carolina Panthers: Over 10.5

Chicago Bears: Under 7.5

Cincinnati Bengals: Over 9.5

Cleveland Browns: Under 4.5

Dallas Cowboys: N/A (off the board due to Romo injury)

Denver Broncos: Under 9.5

Detroit Lions: Under 7.5

Green Bay Packers: Over 10.5

Houston Texans: Under 8.5

Indianapolis Colts: Over 9.5

Jacksonville Jaguars: Under 7.5

Kansas City Chiefs: Over 9.5

Los Angeles Rams: Under 7.5

Miami Dolphins: Over 7

Minnesota Vikings: N/A (off the board due to Bridgewater injury)

New York Jets: Under 8.5

New Orleans Saints: Under 7.5

New York Giants: Over 8.5

New England Patriots: Over 10.5

Oakland Raiders: Under 8.5

Philadelphia Eagles: Under 7

Pittsburgh Steelers: Under 10.5

San Diego Chargers: Over 7.5

San Francisco: Under 5.5

Seattle HGHawks: Over 10.5

Tampa Bay: Under 7.5

Tennessee Titans: Over 5.5 (My personal favorite bet of the year.)

Washington Redskins: Over 7

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About Author

Since 2003 The Informer has written for newspapers, websites and blogs with one goal in mind: Write a funny and informative sports article unlike anything that has been written before.