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The Czar’s Fantasy Football League Recaps: Team MarmDog

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Every year I host the legendary Czar’s fantasy football league (12-team, half PPR) as one of my many alter-egos, Czarko Milicic. Traditionallly, each and every peasant has a trash team and I make sure to let them know about it. This year was especially trashy.
Team MarmDog (1st year peasants): Pick #1
Let’s take a look at the damage:
Team MarmDog
1. (1) Antonio Brown (Pit – WR)
2. (24) Mike Evans (TB – WR)
3. (25) Jamaal Charles (KC – RB)
4. (48) Jeremy Hill (Cin – RB)
5. (49) Drew Brees (NO – QB)
6. (72) Giovani Bernard (Cin – RB)
7. (73) Tyler Lockett (Sea – WR)
8. (96) Gary Barnidge (Cle – TE)
9. (97) Devin Funchess (Car – WR)
10. (120) Spencer Ware (KC – RB)
11. (121) Christine Michael (Sea – RB)
12. (144) Devontae Booker (Den – RB)
13. (145) Kansas City (KC – DEF)
14. (168) Mike Wallace (Bal – WR)
15. (169) Justin Tucker (Bal – K)

Wow, impressive pick with Antonio Brown. He’ll undoubtedly be great until Big Ben takes one of his patented Big Ben hits that happens only like 13 or 14 times every season.

The good news is that Landry Jones, who most recently threw four interceptions against the Eagles in a preseason game, isn’t the only Steelers back-up now. They just signed Zach Mettenberger! The proud owner of a legendary 254 yards on 51 PASS ATTEMPTS against the Houston Texans last season. Well done. It’s like the guy was throwing underhand. Straight shovel passes for days. Good for AB. Now he has two garbage Steelers back-ups to try to catch passes from when Big Ben goes down.
Speaking of trying to catch passes, MarmDog went with Mike Evans in the second round who is a phenomenal talent that dropped six passes in a game last year. Going from a 12 touchdown rookie season to a three touchdown sophomore season was pretty surprising (and probably fluky) so he’s a good bet for some more paydirt in 2016.
Then we have Jamaal Charles in the third who may be decent value now that he’s run out of ACLs to tear and Jeremy Hill in the fourth who has a good chance at 1000 yards this season if the Bengals give him 500 carries. MarmDog later doubled down on Bengals’ backs with Gio Bernard in the sixth to increase their chances of having a decent regular season followed by a disappointing playoffs loss and then a Charles handcuff/possible early-season starter in Spencer Ware who has the same name as our Gulag-ridden former dictator (don’t ask) so f*** him.
Now here’s some other stuff that sucks:
  • Drew Brees’ yardage and touchdown totals have decreased every single season since 2011. The days of 5000-yard, 35-plus touchdown Drew Brees are long gone, but he’s got the always reliable, never disappointing Coby Fleener now though so what do I know?
  • Tight end Gary Barnidge dramatically surpassed all expectations for a guy named Gary last season and put up a shocking 1,000 yard season after seven NFL seasons of just over 600 career receiving yards. Wow. Nothing fluky to see here. I’ll bet that had nothing to do with the fact that the Browns were operating with Brian Hartline and Travis Benjamin as their two starting wide receivers in 2015. The last Browns tight end before Barnidge to put up a 1,000 yard season, you ask? Well, it was Kellen Winslow Jr. in 2007 and he promptly followed that up with a stellar 428 yard, three touchdown season in 2008. Oh yeah, and Barnidge has RG3 throwing to him now. No concerns at all there. Best of luck.
  • Devin Funchess has had a ton of training camp/preseason hype even though he didn’t do much WITHOUT Kelvin Benjamin on the field last season so you know he’ll suck.
  • Tyler Lockett is a trendy sleeper wide receiver that people who know nothing draft after googling “fantasy football sleepers” so you know he’ll suck.
  • Christine Michael has a girl’s first name and a boy’s last name so you know he’ll suck.
  • And Mike Wallace just sucks so you know he’ll suck.
  • Justin Tucker was a good pick.
  • I don’t know what Devontae Booker is so he might actually be pretty good.
Overall grade: C+
Projected finish: 7th place (rookies don’t make the playoffs)
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About Author

Divac is the Editor-In Chief of The Schmozone and founder of Leaveit2divac.com. He is a fantasy sports maniac with terrible gambling habits and has a strange, irrational obsession with everything that is NBA legend Vlade Divac. Divac will be posting his outrageous commentary on daily sports topics in "The Daily Flop" section and one day dreams of being re-born as a mediocre Eastern European NBA journeyman.