Chris Sale bulldozes ballpark after White Sox rename it “Guaranteed Rate Field”


CHICAGO — The site where the White Sox home ballpark once stood is now just a giant pile of rubble as star pitcher Chris Sale has once again made headlines for some rather destructive behavior. Reportedly infuriated by the ballpark’s name change from “U.S. Cellular Field” to “Guaranteed Rate Field,” Sale bulldozed the ballpark down early Thursday morning as White Sox employees were seen fleeing the building in terror. Equipped with only his uncle’s medium-sized bulldozer, it took Sale a shockingly short amount of time to transform the 25-year-old ballpark into ruins. The team sent Sale home following the destruction as they investigate the incident.

Sale was involved in a similar incident earlier in the season when he cut up the team’s throwback uniforms in protest before a home start against the Tigers. He was suspended five games for that incident and sent home due to a “non-physical clubhouse incident.” Standing before the once proud structure, White Sox GM Rick Hahn addressed the bulldozing incident:

“After hearing that the name had been changed to “Guaranteed Rate Field,” Chris became inconsolable and stormed into my office saying that he didn’t feel comfortable pitching in a home park with such a stupid name. He requested that we call it something else on days that he pitched. I said, “Chris, look. We aren’t changing the name of the field to Drake Laroche Memorial Stadium on days that you pitch. It’s just not happening.”

Chris threw a tantrum before leaving and then I told the head of equipment to hide tonight’s uniforms on a top shelf somewhere. That request was obviously misguided. We didn’t see something like this coming although we could have if somebody would have reported a man in a White Sox uniform driving down the Edens Expressway in a bulldozer.

When asked how this would affect the status of Sale’s next start, Hahn was pessimistic:

“I would say it’s looking pretty doubtful,” said Hahn looking at the giant mess of rubble behind him.

There’s no word on where the White Sox will play their remaining home games although “just canceling the season” has been thrown out as a possibility. Despite repeated incidences of insubordination, the White Sox still don’t seem interested in parting ways with the Cy Young contender this off-season:

“Um, you know … it’s something we may look into if the right offer comes up, but we fully expect to get past his destruction of our $250 million stadium and have Chris pitching for us for years to come.”

Despite hesitance from the White Sox front office, rumored trade partners have already emerged for Sale with the Oakland A’s reportedly being “most aggressive” as they could “really use somebody that could knock down their stadium.”


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Divac is the Editor-In Chief of The Schmozone and founder of He is a fantasy sports maniac with terrible gambling habits and has a strange, irrational obsession with everything that is NBA legend Vlade Divac. Divac will be posting his outrageous commentary on daily sports topics in "The Daily Flop" section and one day dreams of being re-born as a mediocre Eastern European NBA journeyman.