Let’s be real. America is not a soccer country. Never will be. The Copa Amerca tournament is going on though so let’s take a look at some times Americans pretended to care about Team USA:
- 2009 Confederations Cup Final: Brazil vs USA
Well the first 2:08 of this video are ALL USA AWESOME, but then the rest just made people switch back to their local baseball game.
2. 2010 World Cup Group Stage: USA vs Algeria
Turning off the sarcasm for a minute; THIS WAS AMAZING!!! Landon Donovan follows a shot and puts it in the back of the net to send the USA to Round of 16. FAIR WEATHER SOCCER FANS CAN’T ASK FOR ANY MORE! I vividly remember running around my friend’s house shouting “We’re going to win the whole damn thing baby!”
3. But then this happened. 2010 World Cup Round of 16: USA vs Ghana
Landon Donovan played hero again late by scoring on a penalty kick, but Ghana tore all of these poor USA fans hearts out by winning in overtime and thereby ending America’s short love affair with soccer.
4. 2010 World Cup Final: Netherlands vs Spain
But wait, hold on, American’s weren’t finished yet. The 2010 World Cup Final was the most watched soccer match in American television history at this point in time. According to Nielsen, 24.3 million Americans tuned in for the clash between Spain and the Netherlands.
5. 2014 World Cup Group Stage: USA vs Ghana
American’s have a real love affair with winning and revenge so putting USA against the team that knocked them out of the last World Cup is the perfect way to get America on the soccer bandwagon once again. And leave it to a little known player like John Brooks to put in the go-ahead goal and send us all into a frenzy like a bunch of bald eagles fighting over a chicken wing.
6. 2014 World Cup Group Stage: USA vs Portugal (Most watched World Cup game in US of 2014)
Group of Death? Check. Playing one of the best players in the world? Check. A chance to beat one of the top 3 teams in the world with time running out? CHECK!!!! Until USA mid-fielder Michael Bradley turned the ball over and set up this game tying goal causing a wave of heart break that made every American Facebook user sure they knew everything about soccer. Ties can happen in soccer Donovan McNabb.
7. 2014 World Cup Round of 16: USA vs Belgium
Finally, America was back in the knockout rounds. A chance to really take this team forward and show everyone that the Red, White, and Blue can futbol with the best of them! Well that’s not what happened; Team USA goalie Tim Howard deserves the Congressional Medal of Honor after how he was peppered with shots throughout this match. USA played like crap all game, and this asshole misses a game tying goal with just minutes to go. In the immortal words of USA Soccer God Landon Donovan “I wouldn’t have missed that shot”. Donovan was of course left off this team and it caused an uproar among the faithful fair weather fans state side.
7.5 Women’s World Cup Final: USA vs Japan
All these fair weather American soccer fan moments have led up to this. In a rematch of the 2011 final, the United States of America absolutely obliterated Japan in the 2015 Women’s final. We all cared about soccer on that day.
Enjoy USA vs Costa Rica tonight Schmos. USA USA USA USA USA USA USA!!!