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The Informer’s 2016 NBA Playoffs Mailbag

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Q: Mr. Informer, I know that you are not nearly as funny, good looking, successful, connected to the NBA, rich, skinny, sober, likeable, or as smart as the great Bill Simmons: But do you think you could put your deficiencies aside and give us a Bill Simmons-like NBA Playoffs mailbag? 
— John, Bellevue, NE

When you put it that way, how can a guy say no? As always, please keep in mind that almost all of these questions were asked by real people.

Q: Hey Informer, if you are such a huge Oklahoma City Thunder fan (as you claim on Twitter) then how come you want Kevin Durant to sign with the Los Angeles Lakers so badly? There is no way a true Thunder fan would ever wish KD would leave. Honestly, the only logical explanation I can come up with for your blasphemous wishes is the fact that you are nothing more than a worthless bandwagon jumper who is only rooting for the Thunder because your Kobe Bryant led Lakers suck donkey d**k.
@adamandersen from Twitter

First of all, we do not speak ill of Kobe Bryant, ever. Secondly, I have never claimed to be a huge Thunder fan. I have however said on numerous occasions that I am a huge KD & Russ fan. This means that whatever team those guys play for I will like and root for. Finally, and way more important than my first two excuses, The Informer allegedly has an illegal stake in OKC’s playoff success; which obviously means I am going to be openly rooting for them to succeed.

Does not make me a bandwagon jumper?

Hell no.

It makes me a guy who likes to root for players over teams while also being someone who would like to not have his knee caps broken because he owes some guy named “Rickey the Rat” a bunch of money.

Q: You are a front running band wagon jumping piece of trash and I can prove it. Will you please name your five favorite NBA teams fight now?
@adamandersen from Twitter continued

Well, as I tried to explain in the last accusation, The Informer roots for players, not teams. But to answer the question my five favorite NBA players in order are: KD, Russ, Curry, LeBron and Kawhi Leonard.

Q: Holy f*** Informer? Do you honestly not know how ridiculous you are? Seriously, re-read what you just wrote. KD, Russ, Curry, LeBron and Leonard? Those are five of the seven best players in the NBA today. I swear man, if someone opened up the dictionary to the word “bandwagon jumper” all they would see is a picture of your fat face. Anyways, I think my point has been proven. So how about you just admit that you are wrong and then die of gonorrhea before rotting in hell with Dan Marino?
@adamandersen from Twitter again

Here is the thing Adam from Twitter, I will not admit that I am wrong because rooting for great players is way better than waking up every day realizing you are rooting for a crappy organization year in and year out.

Think about it; if I would use your logic and always root for the same team no matter who is playing for them, then I would have had to keep rooting for the Chicago Bulls even though Michael Jordan retired back in 1998. I mean could you imagine how miserable that would have been? Spending the last 18 years rooting for a team that has zero chance to win the NBA Championship every single year?

Thanks but no thanks.

I will stick to rooting for great players to be great. And if that makes me a bandwagon jumper than so be it.

Just know that I have rooted for KD since he was dropping 37 points against Kansas; Russ since Kobe told me he had “Mamba blood in him”; LeBron since Sports Illustrated called the high school phenom “The Chosen One”; and Steph since the day he was raining jumpers in the NCAA tournament for some school named Davidson.

In other words, I did not jump on the bandwagon this season. I have been riding since Day 1.

Q: Hey Informer, who do you think matches up with Cleveland better: Golden State or OKC?
— Quentin, Des Moines, IA

As much as I hate to say it — and as much as I think KD & Russ can beat anyone if they play up to their potential for an entire series — Golden State is still the best overall team remaining in the playoffs which makes them the answer to this question.

Q: Speaking of the Cavs, can you give me three reasons why I should watch anymore of the Eastern Conference Massacre?
— Chad, Niobrara, NE 

  1. Illegal gambling
  2. LeBron James
  3. Did I mention illegal gambling?

Q: Who wins Game 3 of the Western Conference Finals on Sunday Night?
— James, Vail, CO

I honestly have no idea who is going to win (I am not a Scientologist), but I will say there may have been some money placed on the Golden State Warriors (-2.5).

Now, was that wager placed because The Informer thinks Golden State is going to take back home court in this series? Or was that wager placed because The Informer is reverse jinxing the sh*t out of the Warriors?

I’ll let you guys decide.

While we are on the subject, here are The Informer’s three favorite wagers for Game 3 of the Western Conference Finals:

  • Russell Westbrook over 1.5 3-pointers made (it has hit 8 of 13 times in the 2016 NBA Playoffs).
  • Kevin Durant over 30.5 points (Sniper Jones is due).
  • Game total under 220 points (both of the first two games have finished under).

Q: Who you got, Curry or LeBron?
— The Informer, Parts Unknown

Steph Curry is a bad man. Steph Curry can do things on a basketball court that normal humans can’t even dream of. Steph Curry deserved to be the unanimous 2016 NBA MVP. With all that said, I am taking LeBron James.

#LongLiveTheKing

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About Author

Since 2003 The Informer has written for newspapers, websites and blogs with one goal in mind: Write a funny and informative sports article unlike anything that has been written before.