EMERGENCY RANT: Space Jam 2 will be the worst movie of all-time


This is horrible. After much speculation, The Hollywood Reporter has confirmed that LeBron James will star in Space Jam 2 and I can say with all certainty that it will be an unequivocal disaster. Worst movie of all-time. Worse than Anchorman 2. Worse than Zoolander 2 which I didn’t see but can only assume that it’s terrible. Worse than any post-Big Daddy Adam Sandler movie.

This has 100% nothing to do with LeBron James by the way. You just can’t remake the brilliance that was Space Jam. It can’t be done. There are so many potential issues with this that I can’t even put them all in to words with the first and foremost being that this has absolutely zero audience. Who’s the audience here? Is it the now 20 and 30-year-olds that loved Space Jam as kids and will be disgusted by the mere idea of there being a Space Jam 2? Or is it for the kids today who have no idea what Space Jam or Looney Tunes even is? Is Looney Tunes even still on TV? I honestly have no idea.

OK, I lied. This has something to do with LeBron James. What’s LeBron going to do to save the world? Jack up a three with a hand in his face? He’s not dunking from half court like Michael. You know he’s not taking it to the rim in that situation. He hasn’t even brought a championship to Cleveland yet. How’s the guy going to save the world when he can’t even save goddamn Cleveland? The world is f*cked. Literally f*cked. We will all be overrun by Monstars. Our fates have been sealed.

There is only one way to save Space Jam 2 and that is to have Boban play the Shawn Bradley role. I’m sure that won’t be the case though and somebody insufferable like Dwight Howard will be one of the guys who has his powers stolen. On the bright side, that would almost guarantee a victory for LeBron and his Looney Tunes friends.

Check that. There are two potential ways to save Space Jam 2.

You want a star? Javale McGee actually tried a Space Jam dunk in an actual NBA basketball game! Swing and a miss from the directors there.

Terrible day, guys. Terrible day. The future of the world looks extremely bleak.


About Author

Divac is the Editor-In Chief of The Schmozone and founder of He is a fantasy sports maniac with terrible gambling habits and has a strange, irrational obsession with everything that is NBA legend Vlade Divac. Divac will be posting his outrageous commentary on daily sports topics in "The Daily Flop" section and one day dreams of being re-born as a mediocre Eastern European NBA journeyman.