How not to fill out a March Madness bracket


There are so many articles out there on how to fill out a March Madness bracket and not nearly enough on how NOT to fill out a March Madness bracket. It’s just as important to know what to do as it is to know what not to do. You can know everything there is to know about what to do in life, but if you don’t know that you shouldn’t like run in front of an oncoming train then you’re going to f*cking die. It’s pretty simple.

Don’t fill out your bracket based on mascots.

This is so dumb. My mom does this every year and she ends up with like Temple in the Final Four. A common strategy among the “how to fill out your March Madness bracket” pundits is to use this outdated strategy and it has never worked.

Actually, six of the last 12 champions have been Gators, Huskies, or Cardinals which I would consider high-quality mascot choices so maybe this is a good strategy. OK, you can do this.

Don’t listen to the “experts.”

This is so dumb for real this time. The experts don’t know sh*t about what it takes to do well in your March Madness pool. They are all chalk and “trendy” upsets. That never works. If you’re going to go down (and you will), go down in a hail of bullets. Go down taking Providence to the Elite Eight. Why not?

90% percent of these dopes are probably taking the #1 overall seed Kansas to make the Final Four. I mean, it’s a lock right? When has Kansas ever not come through as the #1 overall seed?

Don’t pick Georgetown to advance past the first round.

They aren’t in the tournament this year so this step has already been successful.

Don’t make a spreadsheet or do hours of research.

This is the dumbest of all. I always do this and I’ve never won.

Don’t pick Montana to beat Syracuse in the first round and then give your friend money so he can put a bet on them for you while he’s in Vegas.

Don’t. Trust me.

Don’t continuously change your¬†bracket at the last second.

This is probably the most important off all. Stick with your original instincts. The pain of losing on them is far less than the pain of changing your Lehigh over Duke pick because everyone told you it was crazy.

Don’t pick Texas A&M just because you think it’s two against one.

They are only one team despite the “&” symbol. You’re best off just having them lose in the Sweet Sixteen. I learned the hard way with this rule when I picked Bosnia & Herzegovina to make the knockout stage in my FIFA World Cup pool.

OK, that’s all I can think of for now. There’s probably a lot more you shouldn’t do when filling out your March Madness bracket but let’s leave it at that for now.

In the end, UCONN will probably make the Final Four as a nine-seed and some team like Arkansas Little-Rock will end up in the Sweet Sixteen so there’s not a whole lot you can do except pick sh*t like that. Everything else not listed above is fair game though. Try having a homeless guy with no teeth fill out your bracket. That’s a strategy I haven’t applied yet, but may give it a shot. It’s better than having Jay Bilas fill out your bracket.


About Author

Divac is the Editor-In Chief of The Schmozone and founder of He is a fantasy sports maniac with terrible gambling habits and has a strange, irrational obsession with everything that is NBA legend Vlade Divac. Divac will be posting his outrageous commentary on daily sports topics in "The Daily Flop" section and one day dreams of being re-born as a mediocre Eastern European NBA journeyman.