content

Six classic ’90s cereal commercials in honor of National Cereal Day

0

Monday, March 7. It’s National Cereal Day AKA best day in history of ever. Here are five classic ’90s cereal commercials in honor of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW5WTQ9Tc7s

This commercial always raised a lot of questions for me. Were there actually factories of grannies making Waffle Crisp cereal? Was this cereal really made using a waffle iron? How did those kids get that all that technical equipment in their treehouse? And why didn’t these kids just have their moms go to the store and buy them cereal? I couldn’t imagine it would be more expensive to buy a box of waffle crisp than it would be to build a treehouse, install surveillance footage, and infiltrate the granny factory using an exact replica granny costume with an exploding smoke earring.

And they only got one box of cereal! That probably costs $2.99 at the store. That’s a lot of work for one box of cereal. They’ll need to do this all again tomorrow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VsNsUq69iQ

Paul’s dad was the f****** man. CANDY FOR BREAKFAST! Paul’s dad was definitely the dad that let Paul and his friends smoke weed whenever they wanted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upgKcVwKCns

This kid is probably the CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation now. What a brilliant idea. The Marc Zuckerberg of the ’90s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08yzeTZs7ps

This dad is the anti-Paul’s dad. He doesn’t get cereal. Stupid dad. It doesn’t matter if it tastes like apples! And it comes with a GUTS gear kit so f*** off, Dad. We’ll play our music as loud as we want..

NOTE: In high school, these girls were all at Paul’s house getting plastered because Paul’s dad was the man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3B5e4ugrMv4

Lifeguard Lance. What a clown. Only Lance worse than Lance Stephenson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m63esouCYQ

This kid needs to get his priorities straight. He’s potentially stranded in the middle of the lake because Gramps can’t get the boat started and what’s he thinking about? Not getting to eat his Corn Pops in the next like five seconds. He has a life jacket. He could probably just leave Gramps stuck in the boat and swim to shore if necessary to eat his Corn Pops.

What should he really be thinking about. His Gameboy! His Gameboy is utterly f***** if he has to swim with it to shore. Sure, he could risk leaving it in the boat with Captain Phillips and hope that he eventually finds his way back to shore but that’s a risky proposition. He also wouldn’t be able to play his Gameboy while eating his Corn Pops which seems like too great of a ’90s sacrifice.

If this were Golden Grahams or Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Cap’n Crunch with crunchberries, then maybe I would get it, but Corn Pops are NOT a top ten breakfast cereal. Very overrated. No sane person is ruining their Gameboy for Corn Pops.

 

 

Share.

About Author

Divac is the Editor-In Chief of The Schmozone and founder of Leaveit2divac.com. He is a fantasy sports maniac with terrible gambling habits and has a strange, irrational obsession with everything that is NBA legend Vlade Divac. Divac will be posting his outrageous commentary on daily sports topics in "The Daily Flop" section and one day dreams of being re-born as a mediocre Eastern European NBA journeyman.