Always choose to be the banker! In the classic educational game “Oregon Trail” that basically only educates you on the fact that dysentery f***** blows, you are given three choices at the beginning of the game; to be a banker from Boston, to be a carpenter from Ohio, or to be a farmer from Illinois.
This is a no-brainer, always choose to be the banker. Sure, you get double the points if you make it all the way to Oregon (you won’t) as a farmer, but there’s also double the chance that none of your wagonmates give a s*** about trying to save you from drowning when you fall out of the wagon trying to ford the river. MONEY SPEAKS, PEOPLE!
The recent Arizona Coyotes (can I still call them Phoenix) game confirmed my beliefs that banking is always the way to go.
Via Deadspin, the Coyotes starting goalie Anders Lindback suffered an off-ice injury hours before the game (typhoid fever, possibly?) and the Coyotes didn’t have time to call up a back-up goalie from the minors. As league rules stipulate, the Coyotes were allowed to call an emergency back-up goalie on a list provided by the NHL and have him report to the team so it’s nice to know that the NHL operates in the same fashion as my baseball house league when I was 10.
The choice? Nate Schoenfeld, 31, Bank Manager
ALWAYS CHOOSE THE BANKER! Great choice, Coyotes!
As for his connection to hockey besides last playing competitively in a club game for Arizona State in 2006, Schoenfeld’s father-in-law is the Coyotes’ equipment manager and his father, Jon Schoenfeld, was formerly the Coyotes coach and currently an assistant with the Rangers.
Regardless, the Coyotes chose the banker and they ended up winning the game 6-2. The rest of you NHL teams out there, live and learn.
And with that, Nate Schoenfeld … you sir are the “Schmo of the Week”. Congratulations. #BankerSchmo