Nothing will stop Antonio Cromartie from over-populating the United States


Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie has a bionic penis. That’s the only explanation for this.

Despite having a vasectomy — which Wikipedia defines as the surgical procedure for male sterilization and/or permanent contraception — Cromartie is now expecting his 11th and 12th CHILDREN.

Forget one kid. Twins! F*cking twins! Cromartie’s bionic penis is so strong that it can produce two children despite a vasectomy.

His wife, Terricka, elaborated on it to US Weekly:

Antonio, 31, was just as shocked. “Originally, he was like, ‘Oh, s–t! Are you serious? How did this happen?'” Terricka recalls. “It was shocking news for the both of us. It took me a while to process it, but Antonio stood firm and was saying, ‘It’s God’s will.’ And he’s been excited the whole time.”

Apparently, God’s will is for there to be an NFL expansion franchise composed entirely of Cromartie babies. Maybe the Los Angeles Cromarties could be the second LA team if the Chargers end up staying in San Diego.

Cromartie is now currently leading former Chargers teammate Philip Rivers in their quest to over-populate the United States of America 12 to 8, but it’s still a one-possession game as Philip’s wife could pop out quadruplets this off-season. I’ll set the over-under of Cromartie-Rivers babies at 25.5.

In accordance with the Antonio Cromartie article by-laws, here is the video of him trying to name all of his children:


About Author

Divac is the Editor-In Chief of The Schmozone and founder of He is a fantasy sports maniac with terrible gambling habits and has a strange, irrational obsession with everything that is NBA legend Vlade Divac. Divac will be posting his outrageous commentary on daily sports topics in "The Daily Flop" section and one day dreams of being re-born as a mediocre Eastern European NBA journeyman.