Excuse my incoherent, DraftKings-inspired ramblings but I just can’t hold it in any longer. C.J. Miles. This guy. As an unashamed DraftKings addict that has zero perception of what is actually important in life, I have an irrationally long list of random NBA players that I just despise. The Divac sh*t list. Cringe at the mere mention of their names. Indiana Pacers forward C.J. Miles is in a different stratosphere though.
Since last season, I have sworn off ever picking C.J. Miles in any situation ever. Avoid him like an STD-infected hooker named Bambi. C.J. Miles isn’t a bad player by any means. He has his games. He can shoot the trey and score in bunches. Puts up some peripheral statistics that can put him over the top in daily fantasy basketball on occasion.The guy has all the durability of a carnival goldfish though. Like, you win a goldfish at a carnival in that fish bowl, ping pong ball game and it lives for more than ten days, that’s like a million years in goldfish years. That’s ancient. I’ve seen carnival goldfish die within three minutes of being won.
Same thing with C.J. Miles. If you pick him in DraftKings and he lasts more than ten minutes before getting hurt then that’s like a f*cking miracle. C.J. makes Glass Joe look like an iron man. No player suffers more in-game injuries than “Glass” C.J., not even Anthony Davis. He’s an in-game injury magnet. It’s like he has an alarm clock that goes off to tell him when to get hurt again.
I picked Miles on multiple occasions last season and my DraftKings-addicted friends can attest that he got injured in the middle of the game every single time. …and we aren’t talking about like torn ACLs or broken noses. We’re talking about ankle sprains, jammed fingers, groin tweaks, funny bone injuries, really minor sh*t. The guy would be out for a month with a paper cut, return, and then need to leave in his first game back after succumbing to the pain of his paper cut. My pledge to never pick C.J. Miles stood strong this season. …until last night.
Underpriced and starting due to a George Hill injury, C.J. Miles was primed to go off against the Heat. It just felt like one of those random 30-point C.J. Miles explosions. I knew it was a mistake, but I took the C.J. plunge. It actually was looking pretty good seven minutes into the game. Miles dropped seven points in the first seven minutes and I saw those flames under his score. FLAMES!!!! There are two things you want to see on your DraftKings app. Green and flames. If you’re seeing green and flames than you’re gold. It was obviously all too good to be true though, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this:
Injury update: C.J. Miles has a sore right shoulder and is questionable to return to tonight's game.
— Indiana Pacers (@Pacers) January 5, 2016
Sore right shoulder. He didn’t return of course. Never again.