Kelly Olynyk is a long-haired, seven foot assassin that is going to terrorize Cleveland


You can’t find me a more goonier player in the NBA than Kelly Olynyk. I mean just look at the guy. He looks like Jay from “Jay and Silent Bob.” Last season, that’s all Olynyk was…just some bench goon for the Celtics that dislocated Kevin Love’s shoulder:

On Tuesday night, the Cavaliers and Celtics meet for the first time since the Cavs swept the Celtics out of the playoffs last season, but Kelly Olynyk is no longer just some bench goon for the Celtics who are 10-3 in their last 13 games and appear to be a legitimate threat in the Eastern Conference. Since the calendar turned to December, Olynyk has been an absolute assassin for the Celtics

It is really, really easy to hate on Kelly Olynyk’s game. Big, goofy, long-haired Canadian out of Gonzaga that you couldn’t help but compare to Adam Morrison and once tried to eat a burrito in four bites:

Since the beginning of December though, Olynyk has averaged 16.5 points per game off the bench for the Celtics in only 24 minutes per game and has shot lights out shooting a blistering 52.6%. He’s got that Dirk Nowitzki game working right now and can light up an opposing team’s second unit. Olynyk’s been straight up chucking too averaging 12.7 shots per game in his last six games which included that double OT thriller against the Warriors in which he scored 28 points on 11-21 shooting.

Olynyk just seems like the type of guy that’s going to be a villain of Cleveland sports. Just one of those big goobers that just makes being a Cleveland sports fan the most miserable experience on the planet. Tonight, he’s going to terrorize Cleveland in what will be a Boston Celtics’ victory and a big step in their ascent towards being one of the top contenders in the Eastern Conference. This season the Cavs have been very poor at defending three-point shooting bigs and Olynyk will present a major match-up problem for centers Timofey Mozgov and Anderson Varejao or will force Kevin Love away from the basket if they choose to guard Olynyk with him.

Before it’s all said and done tonight, Kelly Olynyk — “The Burrito Eating Assassin” — will be making a mockery of the Cavs second unit and trending on Twitter. You heard it from Divac first.


About Author

Divac is the Editor-In Chief of The Schmozone and founder of He is a fantasy sports maniac with terrible gambling habits and has a strange, irrational obsession with everything that is NBA legend Vlade Divac. Divac will be posting his outrageous commentary on daily sports topics in "The Daily Flop" section and one day dreams of being re-born as a mediocre Eastern European NBA journeyman.