I already profiled the NFC West head coaches. Now it’s time for the AFC West. Let’s take a look:
Gary Kubiak (Denver Broncos) – High School Football Ref
Gary Kubiak loves football and will do anything to be around the game. The guy had a mini-stroke on national television in 2013 and wanted to return a couple of days later. Gary Kubiak LOVES FOOTBALL! Nothing screams “I love football” more than being a high school football ref. You probably get paid sh*t, get screamed at by the school’s geometry teacher that serves as the team’s head coach by default, and will end up getting blindsided by teenagers with terrible haircuts. You really need to love football to be a high school football ref.
Jack Del Rio (Oakland Raiders) – Corporate Executive
Jack Del Rio sealed his fate as a corporate executive when he wore a suit on the sidelines. I mean, just look at this guy! Del Rio’s all about big business. He looks like the villain in a Disney movie who is looking to advance his unethical business agenda at the expense of some innocent kid who is tasked with the responsibility of stopping him. He also looks like Shooter McGavin.
Mike McCoy (San Diego Chargers) – Summer Camp Director
Your life choices are extremely limited when you choose to wear a visor. If you’re not a football coach, then you’re basically going to end up being a golf pro, a summer camp director, a professional poker player, or a Starbucks barista. Look at me with a straight face and tell me that this man is not the director of your kid’s summer camp. You can’t.
Andy Reid (Kansas City Chiefs) – Works at Denny’s
If Andy Reid wasn’t coaching in the NFL, he would be serving Grand Slam Breakfasts at Denny’s. That’s not an opinion, that’s a fact.
Stay tuned for more “if they weren’t NFL head coaches.”
Next up: NFC South