CLEVELAND – Breaking news out of Cleveland once again in the never-ending saga that is the Browns quarterback situation. Just hours after the Cleveland Browns announced that starting quarterback Johnny Manziel had been demoted to third string and that ‘Downtown’ Josh McCown would replace him after TMZ released video of Manziel partying during the Browns bye week, the Browns have announced another change at quarterback.
Head coach Mike Pettine addressed the media once again today to announce the re-demotion of McCown after TMZ released disturbing footage of McCown throwing interceptions in a McCown family football game during the Browns bye week:
“Everyone in this organization wants what is best for ‘Downtown’ just like we do for every player in our locker room. The video that has surfaced is disturbing and unacceptable for a 35-year old veteran quarterback. I’m especially disappointed in his interceptions during the bye week because he’s been working really hard to correct that. The improvements from last year to this year have been minimal, but ‘Downtown’ has had a good performance or two for us this season. However, he still has not consistently demonstrated that he has gained a good understanding of what it takes to be successful at the quarterback position on this level. It goes well beyond the field. You can’t throw into double coverage. You can’t be picked off by your 58-year-old auntie. Not even during the bye week. We are going to continue to support him in every way possible, but at this point, we’ve decided it’s best to go with Austin Davis as the starter going forward.”
When asked about Austin Davis’ skill set, coach Pettine responded, “I don’t really know about that, but he’s on our depth chart and there’s definitely no video of him doing anything ever.”
McCown has blasted the TMZ footage, even going as far as to call it “old” and “possibly my brother Luke” since the Browns and Saints did have the same bye week this year:
“Videos can be old. Videos can be all kinds of different things. I’ve been in the league for over a decade. This video could easily be from one of my other bye weeks in the NFL. This video could also be of my brother Luke. We were fortunate enough to have the same bye week this season and both of us were able to participate in the annual McCown family football game.
Asked specifically if the video was old, McCown said, “I haven’t seen it, so I can’t speak on it. To be honest though, it’s probably me and very current.”
(NOTE: This story is completely fictional (well, at least PROBABLY fictional) and is only designed to be enjoyed as “satire.” However, the use of this to test others’ gullibility is not discouraged in any way.)