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The Informer’s NFL Ramblings & Monday Night Pick: Week 10

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Here are The Informer’s thoughts and observations from Week 10 of the 2015 NFL Season while pondering whether or not to file a class action lawsuit against Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers for being dirty rotten liars.

Seriously though, how does Ben Roethlisberger go from having his left foot amputated on Tuesday morning, to throwing for 369 yards and 3 TD passes on Sunday? Furthermore; if Roethlisberger was healthy, which he obviously was, then why in the blue freaking hell did the Steelers start Landry Jones in the first place?

The only logical explanation is Vegas was getting tired of The Informer taking their money; so they had the Steelers lie about Big Ben’s amputated foot, then made Pittsburgh start Landry Jones so that The Informer would be tricked into betting on a John Manziel-led Browns team.

Of course once The Informer took the bait, Vegas had the Steelers pull the old “let’s pretend Landry hurt his foot so that Roethlisberger is forced into the game” play which ultimately led to a Steelers boat-race victory and The Informer turning tricks down by the railroad tracks in order to avoid having his kneecaps broken by some dude named “Fat Tony.”

Honestly though, The Informer is not even mad about it. He is actually impressed that Vegas has enough pull that they were able to get the Steelers to go along with this ruse even though it could have killed their chances at a playoff spot.

Well done Vegas. You win this round.

Moving along to actual football business, let’s start off with a player comparison:

Player A Through 9 Games: 957 yards rushing & 5 TDs

Player B Through 9 Games: 961 yards rushing & 5 TDs

Player A is Adrian Peterson through nine games during his historic 2012 season when he rushed for the second most yards in a single season in NFL history (2,097 yards) and led the Minnesota Vikings to the playoffs.

Player B is Adrian Peterson through nine games this season.

In other words, the rest of the NFL should just go ahead and cancel Christmas right now.

The Informer has to ask: How in the bluest of blue hells do you lose to the Detroit Lions? At home? Talk about a shameful past three weeks for Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers.

Speaking of shameful quarterback play: Poor Philadelphia, they were so close to having a playoff team. On the bright side, at least we all get to bet against Sanchez on a week to week basis again.

Putting the Eagles dashed playoff dreams aside, it should be mentioned that we are now just one Sanchez butt-fumble away from getting you know who back in the league #FingersCrossed #TEEEEEEEEBOW!!!

This really goes without saying, but The Informer would hate to be the Seattle Seahawks HGH dealer this morning. That guy is going to be busy #Allegedly.

Did anyone else get Nam-like flashbacks of Randy Moss’s first TD with the Oakland Raiders while watching Odell Beckham Jr. catch an 89-yard TD against the Pats on Sunday? Or is The Informer the only person who gets Nam-like flashbacks of great Randy Moss plays?

There is comedy, there is high comedy and then there is the comedy of watching your wife’s reaction after you tell her you are going to spend all day Monday watching Direct TV’s shortcuts of the NFL games you just spent all day Sunday watching.

Further evidence Antonio Brown is the best wide receiver in the NFL: He is on pace for 1,825 yards this season which would be the third best season in NFL history behind only Calvin Johnson and Jerry Rice.

Here is The Informer’s favorite Tim Tebow meme ever made . . .

Jags

There is no doubt in The Informer’s mind that there is a strawberry flavored “Bortles & James” wine cooler in that Tebow pimp chalice.

The Informer would say that Nick Foles played like a drunk Jay Cutler yesterday, but that would big of an insult to the actual drunk Jay Cutler. So instead The Informer will just say this, “**** YOU!!! Nick Foles. The Informer hates your stinking guts.

Why didn’t Todd Gurley play on Sunday? What’s that? He did play? You could have fooled The Informer.

Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers beat up on a team they were supposed to beat up on Sunday. That is the sign of a real contender. And it is also a sign of a team that has now won 12 straight regular season NFL games.

The Informer’s current 2015 Rookie of the Year rankings go: 1) Amari Cooper 2) Todd Gurley 3) Karlos Williams 4) Famous Jameis 5) Stefon Diggs

The Informer’s 2015 NFL MVP rankings: 1) Tom Brady 2) There is no point even discussing anyone else at this time.

Who suffered a worse beating this weekend: Rhonda Rousey or the 5X NFL MVP Peyton Manning?

Seriously, 5 of 20 with four interceptions? WOW!!!

Before we wrap this up The Informer needs to point out that despite the loss last night, the first half under in Primetime is still 23-7 on the year. Also, for the people who are jumping off of the bandwagon, please be advised that the first half under has yet to finish a week this season worse than 2-1.

In other words, stick to the basics with the (u24) this evening. The odds are in your favor.

As for the actual Bengals-Texans game, The Informer is grabbing the Texans and the 10.5 points tonight while trying to salvage his worst picks week of the season #SoYouWouldBeWiseToBetTheBengals.

Now if you will excuse me; The Informer is going to go sit in the dark, turn on some Taylor Swift, and have a moment of silence for the 5X NFL MVP’s historic career.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdneKLhsWOQ

#SayYouWillRememberPeyton

 

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About Author

Since 2003 The Informer has written for newspapers, websites and blogs with one goal in mind: Write a funny and informative sports article unlike anything that has been written before.