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The Informer’s 2015 NFL Picks: Week 10

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There will be no longed winded rants to start today’s article. Instead, everyone please crack open them Natties and enjoy Week 10 of The Informer’s 2015 NFL Picks Challenge.

BUFFALO BILLS @ NEW YORK JETS (-3)

The Informer has to ask: Is that what it is always like to root for the Buffalo Bills? You know . . .Watch your team play dominate footbal for three quarters, then almost blow the game, but then get bailed out because the other team tried to pass to Helen Kellen Davis (blind, deaf and confused is the only way to describe him) for the go ahead score, only to not be able to run the clock out so the other team had one last chance before Rambo finally saves the day?

Talk about a brutal way to have to watch football every Sunday.

Thankfully despite the emotional turmoil, and just like The Informer predicted in his mailbag article yesterday, the Bills prevailed and covered the spread which brought The Informer’s season long NFL Picks record to a stunning 74-54-5 mark.

To answer the next question: Yes, The Informer’s 74-54-5 record is, at least accordingly to the website NFLpickwatch.com, the best record of any sports writer in the entire Universe. 

Sticking with the best in the Universe theme, before we wrap this section up The Informer should probably mention that the first half under in Primetime hit once again to improve to 23-6 on the season #BestBetInFootball.

Pick: Bills (+3) & First Half Under (21)

DETROIT LIONS @ GREEN BAY PACKERS (-11.5)

To everyone who is betting the dumpster fire Detroit Lions in Lambeau this weekend please be advised that the Packers have won 24 of the last 30 games against Detroit, with 15 of those games being decided by double digits.

Just saying; don’t get fooled by a few bad weeks of football. We all know Aaron Rodgers will relax this ship in the right direction before the season ends. And honestly, The Informer thinks that the relaxing is going to start this Sunday against the hapless Jim Caldwell’s.

Pick: Packers (-11.5)

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (-5.5)

This game is absolute and utter garbage. So instead of talking about it, The Informer is going to play you the funniest 25 second video clip in the history of Youtube. It comes courtesy of the hilarious new Vacation movie. Please enjoy.

https://youtu.be/9OUD96BXr_g

#GoToSleepGoToSleep #MustWatchMovie

Pick: Ravens (-5.5)

DALLAS COWBOYS @ TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (+2)

Matt Cassell favored on the road? Go home Vegas you are drunk.

Pick: Tampa (+2)

MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (-3)

Wait . . . The Oakland Raiders are favored over a 6-2 team in the middle of November? Seriously Vegas, go home you are drunk.

Pick: Vikings (+3)

CAROLINA PANTHERS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (+5.5)

Some people would argue this is a “letdown” game for the Carolina Panthers and a “we are not done yet” game for the Tennessee Titans. The Informer on the other hand would argue this is a “I am the real MVP” game for Cam Newton and a “There is a reason Mike Mularkey keeps getting fired from head coaching jobs” game for the Tennessee Titans

Do not let Vegas bully you into taking the Titans just because this is a funny line. The Panthers are the far superior squad and they will handle business while moving to 9-0 for the first time in Franchise history.

Pick: Panthers (-5.5)

CHICAGO BEARS @ ST LOUIS RAMS (-7)

The Informer never bets against Todd Gurley at home. Even if that means betting against a drunk Jay Cutler.

Pick: Rams (-7)

MIAMI DOLPHINS @ PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (-6)

If The Informer ever bets the Dan Campbell led Miami Dolphins on the road again everyone in the world has permission to Roshambo him square in the d***. In the words of Forrest Gump, “that is all The Informer has to say about that.”

Pick: Eagles (-6)

CLEVELAND BROWNS @ PITTSBURGH STEELERS (-4.5)

“Hey Informer ,do you remember last week when you wrote A.J. Green, Julio Jones, DeAndre Hopkins and Odell Beckham Jr. were the best wide receivers in football; only you did not know which order to rank them? Well, I can help you with that ranking. It goes Antonio Brown and then everyone else you freaking idiot. Seriously, how could you forget a guy who was about to go off for a new Steelers record 284 yards? As always thanks for proving to the world that you are nothing but an overweight inbred hillbilly.”

Wow . . . Inbred hillbilly? That sure escalated quickly.

Anyways, which means please stop interrupting The Informer while he is apologizing for not saying Antonio Brown in the best wide receiver in the NFL; the lesson as always is The Informer is an alcoholic #AntonioBrownIsTheBestWRInFootball.

Pick: Browns (+4.5)

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS (PK)

80% of the public is backing the road team with no defense? That seems fishy.

Pick: Washington (PK)

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ DENVER BRONCOS (-5.5)

According to 100 percent not made up unknown sources, here is a list of ailments currently afflicting the 5X NFL MVP: He has a really sore foot; he has a bad case of loser denial stemming from a high school incident with a parking cone; he is dehydrated; he has had complications from Transvaginal Mesh surgery; he got syphilis from a dirty toilet seat in a truck stop off of I-80; he is addicted to crack cocaine; he does not know how to twerk; both his arms are broken; his back hurts from pulling landscaping duty; he has sleep apnea; his balls are blue; he has Galactorrhea (the spontaneous flow of milk from the nipples as a result of excessive Prolactin); and finally someone (more unknown sources are confirming it was a member of the Indianapolis Colts organization, allegedly) broke into his house this past week and stole his non-lacerated kidney while he was sleeping.

And yet, despite all of those red flags, The Informer just can’t quit the 5X NFL MVP #ChickenParmYouTasteSoGood.

Pick: Donkeys (-5.5)

ARIZONA CARDINALS @ SEATTLE HGHAWKS (-3)

The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . THE FIRST HALF UNDER IS 23-6 IN PRIMETIME!!!

Are we all clear?

Pick: HGHawks (-3) & First Half Under (23)

HOUSTON TEXANS @ CINNCINATI BENGALS (-10.5)

The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . The first half under is 23-6 in Primetime . . . THE FIRST HALF UNDER IS 23-6 IN PRIMETIME!!!

In case there is still some confusion about what to do with the first half under in this game, The Informer is making the first half under 24 points his Lion King Lock of the Week.

Pick: Texans (+10.5) & LKLOTW First Half Under (24)

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS @ NEW YORK GIANTS (-7)

The last time the New England Patriots played a regular season game at the New York Giants; Randy Moss cemented his legacy as the greatest WR in the history of football when he caught two TD passes to break the single season NFL touchdown record with 23 while leading the Pats to a 38-35 victory.

This time around there is no Randy Moss. Luckily for New England, they do still have Tom Brady and access to 10 or 12 fully inflated footballs; which as we have seen through the first nine weeks is definitely advantage Pats.

Needless to say; The Informer will most definitely be backing Tom Brady during his “F*** you Rodger Goodell I could throw 50 TD passes with a nerf ball” revenge tour this Sunday, next Sunday and every other Sunday until the Patriots finish off their first ever 19-0 season.

Pick: Patriots (-7)

That is a wrap folks. Have a great Week 10. May it be filled with winning parlays, New England touchdowns, Natty Lights and all of the free Blimpies first half under winnings can buy.

THE INFORMER’S 2015 PICKS RECORD: 74-54-5 (Including TNF)

Lion King Lock of the Week: 6-4

First Half Under in Primetime: 23-6 (Including TNF)

 

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About Author

Since 2003 The Informer has written for newspapers, websites and blogs with one goal in mind: Write a funny and informative sports article unlike anything that has been written before.