What do you do when 600 bobbleheads of a replacement-level MLB outfielder just show up in the middle of your street? You call the f*cking police and that’s exactly what happened in San Diego.
Two San Diego roommates reportedly “saw a white Suburban, then heard a crash” which turned out to be the deafening sound of 600 Chris Denorfia bobbleheads landing in the middle of their street. The rogue Denorfia bobblehead hoarders took off which left the two roommates — and I’m phrasing this exactly how Philip Jia said it — to “kind of troll through the mountain of Denorfias.”
“To kind of troll through the mountain of Denorfias.” That right there has to be one of the all-time great news story quotes ever. PHILIP JIA, you sir are a legend. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for my fantasy baseball team name for the rest of my life. THE MOUNTAIN OF DENORFIAS!
Chris Denorfia is a 35-year old journeyman MLB outfielder for the Cubs who is only in the news when things like 600 of his bobbleheads mysteriously appearing in the middle of your street happen, but he played for the San Diego Padres from 2011 to 2014 before being traded to the Mariners. This will likely be the only time you ever hear anything about Chris Denorfia ever.
Jia and his roommate Jalena Lau ended up calling police after making the startling discovery and why wouldn’t they? If you asked me before, I would have considered it more likely for UFOs to just show and start abducting people than to discover 600 Chris Denorfia bobbleheads in the middle of my street. Why did they call police though?
“We thought it was from a drug cartel or something,” said Lau. “But when we went through them, they were just regular bobbleheads.”
A DRUG CARTEL! Using Chris Denorfia bobbleheads! I just can’t wait for Season 2 of Narcos when Pablo Escobar and the Medillin Cartel ship their contraband to the U.S. using Bip Roberts bobbleheads.
Lau and Jia ended up taking about half of them and putting them in their roommate’s bedroom and then they gave them away as presents during their Halloween party. The rest vanished from the middle of the street, just as mysteriously as they had been placed there. What to take away from this?
“I’m now a huge Chris Denorfia fan,” said Jia
All it took was 600 mysterious Chris Denorfia bobbleheads to show up in the middle of the street to get Chris Denorfia his first, true fan.