Important breaking news out of Detroit. Despite evidence to the contrary, Jim Caldwell, notable head coaching robot and fish from Spongebob, is NOT dead. In fact, he is even better than not dead as according to this Profootballtalk article right here he is “alive and well.” OH WHAT A RELIEF! I THOUGHT THAT F*CKER WAS DEAD! Turns out the Lions just had a bye week.
You know you’re in trouble as a head coach when you have to declare yourself as “alive and well.” I don’t suspect that Bill Belichick is going around telling everyone that he’s “alive and well.”
It’s a fair declaration though as Caldwell somehow survived the apocalypse that was the Lions firing everybody even loosely associated with the team except for Caldwell.
The good news for Caldwell though is that he gets to play the angry Packers this upcoming week who are looking to end a two-game losing streak and will presumably have new league-issued tablets. If the Lions lose by any less than a billion, Caldwell should get a raise.
At least Joique Bell is back and healthy and ready to be run into a brick wall!